You're not that special...

"big ups to all my haters" OHEMGEE!!!

I absolutely detest the person who made this a hot phrase...

Because of this word people have started giving themselves way toooooo much damn credit.  Just because someone doesn't agree with your ass doesn't mean they are hating, whoever thought of that shit needs to be shot square in the ass...

So what you go to work every day, you can afford nice clothes, shoes, you take a few trips a year, you may be slightly popular on the local scene, you can get in a club for free, your nice looking, your man/woman may even be, you have a degree, or you got married - I could go on and on! Isn't this just average everyday shit?  Why would anyone hate on someone that is doing what they should be doing? What I want to know is why YOU think that you are doing something special enough to hate? #seriousquestion

Twitter is filled with post like "i need my haters they give me life" "stop hating" "don't hate step ya game up" and these are just from your average Joe Blow!!! Excuse me WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO SPECIAL THAT MAKES YOU WORTHY OF  HATERS????  Seriously what happened to being able to just not agree with something? Why in the hell does someone  either 1. not giving a shit 2. not agreeing 3. knowing a better way to get it done -- make them a hater?

I have never been called this (to my face anyway) and I don't ever think in a sober mind I have ever called someone a hater.  It just makes no sense to me... I mean not at all!  So can one of you really explain a hater to me (beyond the bullshit I mentioned above)?  What really makes someone a bonafied hater?  Is there really such a thing? Why are there like 80 songs out now that mention haters and 100000000000 slogan's about them?

Do you know...

How valuable you are to the people in your life?  Sometimes it is easy to just pass through the day and just "know" your s/o knows you love them, or your family members and friends just know that you appreciate the help and support they provide.  Why do we forget to mention daily that we love and appreciate the people in our lives?  Why is it when something is taken from you, you then remember how much you loved, appreciated, and valued that person? It is so easy to take for granted that they will be there the next day or the next few hours. 

We go through our daily lives just acting like the people in our world are just supposed to know we care for them.  Why? Is it because we speak everyday, you know the basic stuff? Or because we celebrate each other on bdays, anniversaries, or holiday's? Or is it because we told them on last week we loved them or thank you? Shouldn't this be a daily thing? Daily words and actions that match? What are our actions showing? 

I am very guilty of this, I am not an emotional person AT ALL and I don't need to be told a lot that you love me, or thanking me, or just telling me what I mean to you.  I feel like I know my s/o loves me he shows it in his actions, but why am I taking away his need to tell me what his actions already show me? Selfish maybe, well probably just a little bit, I guess it is something I need to work on; cause we ALL need work. 

My Sis Reecie sent me an email yesterday Learning from Erin based on a conversation we had a while back she said this made her think of me.  And I guess the lesson is this you really never know how valuable you are to someone.  You never know what allowing them to tell you how they feel about makes them feel, eventhough you may not need to hear it, they made need to say it.  Just being kind, appreciative, and receptive can really help nuture and foster our relationships, all of our relationships.

Everyday when I see my daughter she screams to the top of her lungs "mommy is home" and run's and gives me this big kiss.  It makes all the "issues" of the day seem pointless, man I swear we could really learn something from children.  I was having a converation with a girlfriend last night who is just really going through it and I didn't do much talking I just listened and reassured her that God has her back and what he has for her NO ONE has take away.  Just to really pray about what is going on and LISTEN to him as he will guide her correctly.  So once we ended our conversation she said to me " Thanks for lisetening & ur support Crys" and my response was "no thanks needed I love you and am truly here to support you" once again failing to allow someone to tell me thanks and that they appreciated me.

Am I faulty for this?  I mean for me I feel like I just don't need to be told thanks and I appreciate your help, I don't do things for thanks.  I do it cause I truly want to be there and help my friends.  I guess this is something that I really need to work on I have to realize it is not just for me.  People are expressing thanks and letting me know I am valuable to them and they need to do that.

what do EYE think

at 4:45am is why the fuck am I awake AND blogging about it...

1. my hospital mate is going pottty on herself? Yup, you read that correctly.

2. No more dilauded in my iv, period.

3.No more tweeting/bloging, it is taking me two hours to respond post...lol yes two hours....

4. my tv has been on Lindsay Lohan for the past three hours; help me

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Acting like a man....How exactly would that be?

After some back and forth with Tunde I feel like I need to come back and say something BEFORE you read the post. My post is not about attacking manhood and/or telling someone what they HAVE to do to be men...  When reading my post below I think you all need to be armed with the following information/questions

When I talk about man-like behavior I am not talking about manhood. I am talking about what my examples of man like behavior has been from my dad, uncles, godfathers -- etc.


QUESTIONS TO PONDER BEFORE READING -- as a man when you have children (for the sake of these questions she is a girl) you are going to set the example of what man like behavior looks like, right? So when she grows up to the age of dating and/or when she marries is it not fair to say she will have in her mind what man-like behavior looks like based on what you have shown her? Would it not be ok for her to have standards of what she thinks man -like behavior needs to look like for her? Is it not ok for her to say MY DAD is my example of what a man is? Is it not ok for her to say those things you shown her are the expectations she has for men period? By her having those expectation is she saying all of those that don't meet them are not men? or is she saying they are not a representation of what man-like behavior looks like to her?



the reason I feel this way is because these is my example of what man-like behavior look like.
*******************************************************************************
so let me start by stating the obvious I am a woman...I am not an expert on manhood, this post isn't about that.

So on Friday, July 2nd I was venting on twitter about these "men" and something they did.  The vent kind of went like this "I hate when a man doesn't act like a man" and immediately one of my followers and my homie somewhat checked me saying "how exactly would that be?" and right there I knew what he was getting at -- umm as a woman how would you know anything about being a man.  And you know what he is right I am a woman, birthed an 8lb baby girl from my snatch to prove it.  But it got me thinking as a woman can I not speak on things/actions that are not man like?

Let me back up and tell you guys what prompted this rant from me -- basically there were women gathering and taking out trash AND another woman had to open the door for the woman taking out the trash...SEVERAL men standing around just watching this... yup you read that correctly! There were several men just watching these women take out the trash. So because I am who I am I said " female Y put down the trash male T I know you see her taking the trash out?" and that alone prompted male T to grab the trash and take it out.  Which showed me he knew he was foul for watching her take it out and not just doing it in the first place.

So as I proceeded to tell these details via twitter another one of my followers completely agreed with me.  This reason I make a point to reference this agreement (cause I got several) is because this follower is a MAN. So then the conversation shifts to well maybe they are just not chivalrous and it has nothing to do with being a man.  And that was a great point BUT as my homie Tisha said "show me a man that isn't chivalrous and i"ll show you a man that is lacking in other areas as well".

Fast forward to yesterday I brought up the question on twitter "am I the only woman who when out with her s/o doesn't/won't drive unless he is physically unable?" And most agreed with me, so then I asked my male followers "is it unreasonable expect/require the man to always drive?" and that same follower replied "nope, it should never be an issue." So the discussion in my timeline is now about some of the things EYE and a few of my followers think MEN are supposed to do. So I am getting really good responses and some funny ones also "watch one ovary channel movie, wash dishes twice a week, lay supreme pipe, and lay down the law".  My Sis Reecie tweets me and says have you read THIS - What Is and Isn't a Man? - so I went over and checked it out.

Now based on pure anatomy the author is way more qualified to determine what makes a man a man... There was a part of his article I simply just don't agree with ( and actually the only part of the article I felt I even COULD comment on) "A man doesn’t hold doors, carry groceries, cuddle, hold hands, or say “I love you” because she expects him too. He does it because he wants to. Related to this, a man can’t know everything and anything. Once again, a man is a human being."

So I told Reecie I simply don't agree with that statement, she said she sees it as a gentlemen thing, not a man thing. So my response to her was, while EYE think walking on the outside, opening doors, pulling out chairs, standing when a woman enters the room are CHIVALROUS -- I think driving, taking out the trash, pumping gas, yard work, car maintenance, offer a woman standing his seat, bring in the bags from the car, and (this one raised my eyebrows) BLESSING THE MEAL are all things MEN do and things MEN should do...PERIOD!!

Fellas don't get me wrong EYE have strong opinions about what WOMEN should do as well but this entry is not about that...  So am I off base here? Can a woman not say things like "act like a man"? Are there not tangible things that are a direct relationship to man like behavior?

Bitch You Might Be....

Just a little damn #annoucy...

You know I have been seeing a lot of this fuckery going on via twitter. There is nothing wrong with sharing good things that happen in your life BUT when you have the need to ANNOUNCE every damn thing -- houston we have a problem...

Some of you are probably asking what the hell is #announcy, well let me tell you. "OMG this 3 carat ring he bought me is so nice" "exclusive invitation to this party" "i just had to loan a friend 1500" "man i don't feel like cutting my 9 acers of grass" are just a few examples of being #annoucy and yes, before you ask people really do say shit like this.

I feel that people who do this are definitely lacking some love and attention at home. Like why do you need people to know all those details? no seriously, why? From what I can see it is because you realize no one really cares about you and your damn life -- You have figured out that if you lay out certain buzz words it will draw people to talk to you... Like if you tweet/say "i just had to loan a friend 1500" someone is 100% going to say to you "damn can I get a dollar" and then FOR CERTAIN you are going to respond -- see how that works? Now you this person that no one generally cares about is being talked to.

There has to be a deeper reason people are so #announcy like seriously where you not liked as a child? Did you eat alone at the lunch table? Do your parents even like you?

If you can identify with any of this I hate to tell you this but this is border line #KatStackery

Source of my Strength...

This morning I woke up feeling abundantly blessed. This morning was no different than any other but on THIS day I am just simply grateful for being given another chance to try again.  I am no bible  thumper but I do recognize while I get up daily and live God is the source that gives me strength to get thru, he is the source first and foremost.  The fact that he loves me enough to forgive all my mistakes and allows me to wake each morning and start over...simply amazing! I know that as long as I have him I am never alone...



This post will be short because I think this song sums up how I feel.

In addition to knowing the source of my strength I know that he is able! He is able to change YOU and your circumstances! He is able to provide a way when you think there is none. He is able...



This weekend I had some serious things on my mind and I just felt like I couldn't.  It is truly amazing how God shows up exactly when you need him. I needed him at THAT moment and THAT time and I promise he delivered me exactly what I needed.  I had an amazing conversation with a good friend via text and God spoke to me through her.  He provided me what I needed through her and although I knew everything she was saying I needed to hear someone else say it!  Thank you Lord for always being there when I need you...



Be Blessed folks...

The importance of friendship...

I am an only child and have been ok with that my whole life, I have never really had close female friends and thought I never needed them. I don't have a bff and am ok with that, many call me somewhat of a loner. However, now at 30 I truly understand the need to have and foster those "girlfriend" #nohomo relationships.

There are several women in my circle who I admire, respect, love and want to be just like when I grow up for several different reasons. I am a firm believer that if you can't look at the people in your circle and learn something from them, be inspired by them, be encouraged by them, be pushed by them, and simply want to be like them you may need a new circle. Why would anyone seriously consider being friends with someone that they can't learn anything from? Why would anyone consider being friends with someone who never has anything positive going on in their lives?

I promise when I am at my wits end I can reach out to any of these women and they will be right there for me no questions asked!!! You know why? cause they love me, care about me, want me to be happy, and they know I will do the same. I can also reach out to them for a good laugh, your friends just shouldn't be there when something is wrong, you have to share the good times as well. Some people only need a friend when they are going through it -- but forget your number when something good happens to you, for you or for them.  Reciprocity is a must in all relationships you can't always be on the receiving end , we all have to give a little.

Let me just speak to that for a minute -- Webster defines reciprocity - as a mutual exchange of privileges.  This is such an important element of any relationship.  I think people tend to forget that "girlfriend #nohomo relationships need this just as must as romantic relationships.  Why do you think it is so hard for people to understand this concept?  I mean for me and my friendships this is a must -- not just because it is the right thing to do BUT because I love giving my friends the very best of me, I love knowing they know they can depend on me, I love knowing they know I won't judge, I love knowing they know what we talk about stays with just us, I love knowing they know they can trust me -- PERIOD!
 
 
I love surrounding myself with strong women, it never fails when I feel like I am lacking something I can go to anyone of them and get exactly what I need.  Most times they don't even know their testimonies are speaking to my very soul.  One thing that is important to me in a friendship is pure uncut honesty... I am the type of person who needs it and gives it; I also need people who are vaults and don't judge.

When I tell you over the past year God has blessed me with multiple friendships like that...chile I am not even sure I can put that into words. I look forward to getting input from them, advice ( I may not always follow), and even criticism from them. These women support me no matter what but they also will check my ass if I am just being crazy -- which I can often be.

One other thing that make me smile when I think of these women is the fact that they will be and are active in my daughters life.  I am so happy she will have a ton of strong women around her to look up to.

There is no need for me to list the names of these women, they know who they are.  I don't hide my love, admiration, and respect for them.  I try to make sure I let them know daily what they mean to me and my life.

Annoyed!

As I sit here waiting for my dad to return my keys to me I realize I get super annoyed and quickly!

While I am annoyed with him for not looking at the keys, I am more annoyed with myself for not removing the one key I needed from the ring. I knew my dad was going to be driving my truck today so why didn't I just take the key off?

I have (had) a hair appointment at 8am, well clearly I won't be making THAT one. I don't deal with hiccups to my schedule very well. It just throws everything out of balance for me. And I know it is not that serious...says who?

So not only is it an inconvenience for me but my stylist has to be just as annoyed! I was the first person on her books today, and Jill is super slow and overbooked like all black hair salons. So the goal was to get in by 8 and out by 9:30 *sigh*. We all know NOW this here won't happen!

So back to how quickly I am annoyed -- I really don't know what to do about my issue! My good friend Ian told me try meditation, he gave me some pointers on how to start but that shit isn't working for me. I know some are saying relax Cryssy it is really not that serious...again says who? I guess also because I was rushing to get ready and get my ass out this house --makes me even more annoyed; I hate rushing! Also your girl could have still be sleeping -- y'all know I love some sleep!

I have a funky 'tude this we know oh and so what...

So I ask what are some of the these that annoy you and how do you not allow that annoyance to fester all day?

Damn now THOSE were some SERIOUS lyrics.

So I was reading this blog Mariah Carey-Cannon and I posted my favorite song of hers.  And the reason that song is my favorite is because of the lyrics.  Those who know me know I love music and really can't function without it, but what I love so much about music is the music where the words just SMACK you in the face.

This is my favorite from Mrs. Cannon




She started the song off powerful

"You called yesterday to basically say

That you care for me,
But that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended
To be feeling similarly
And led you to believe it was okay
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me"

Then the chorus...

"Well I guess I'm trying to be

Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry"

And many of you know this is my favorite song by En Vogue ( dang I miss their voices)
 



 
The emotion they sung this song with just made the words that much more intense for me.  I was really young when this song was out and in no way should have connected with this song the way I did... but how could you NOT?!?!
 
Whenever I hear this song I get emotional -- Luther was great with making any song come alive!  Many of us rush into things and then wonder why it doesn't work. Or have been hurt so badly we tend to think love is simply not possible...
 
"nothing hurts as bad as when
you see you gave up to easily'"
 
"sometimes love
takes a long time
but wait for love and
you're gonna get the chance
to love"
 

#shoutout to my music twin -- I think she may be the only one who understands my love for that song
 




When I first heard this song I was literally blown away!! It didn't hurt that the musical arrangement was perfect
 


 
"Is it over, how do we go about deciding

Do we add up all the good times then divide them
By how many times we hurt each other
Or do we just ignore there numbers
And vow right now that nothing's gonna take us under"

"See if you leave

I will not die physically
But emotionally "You might as well bury me"
Said if I can't be the man I should've been
before all of this happened.
But if we hold on "And ask god for direction..."
when we get lost we can make the correction if we
just stand strong all our ups and downs have finally come around
And there will be nothing that can shake us nothing that can break us and we will stay together!!!"


Now this lady here my dear sweet sister Reecie put me up on her and this song immediately stood out
 
"I know what I said

Was heat of the moment
But theres a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix the heart thats broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know anymore"

"Nobody wants to know the truth

Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me"



This mans voice is just perfect...



And this--Jaheim made me really proud...



Ok I am going to stop now -- I could go on and on with this right here!!!  Another #shoutout to Best Damn Music Blog!! if you haven't stopped by do so now...

So tell me what are some of YOUR favorite lyrically powerful songs?

Why is it so hard to leave a toxic situation?

Last night I asked the question on twitter "Why is it so hard to leave a toxic situation?" No one actually answered but it was RT'd a few times, which makes me think I am not the only one who just doesn't understand the logic.

Now, before I start, let's not get it fuc*ed up twisted for one moment I myself have been guilty of this, so their is no judgement in this post. 

We all know that friend --she is miserable, has said she doesn't want to deal with this anymore, and is simply existing as a zombie at this point.  What I don't get is why they start making "excuses" about why they can't remove themselves?  Seriously they have given whomever will listen every reason in the world why they can't leave and why they need to remove themselves from this toxic situation, all in the same breath.  I am really at a lost --what do you the good and caring friend say to them at this point?  This is also the same friend because they are so miserable can never be happy, celebrate, and/or encourage anyone about anything. At some point you start not wanting to talk to or share with this friend.  The saying "hurt people, hurt people" is nothing but the truth.com!

I in no way would tell someone leave their spouse and I know the group of women  I consider friends would never as well. What  I would however tell a friend is to do what they need to do -- that living a happy, drama free, and productive life can't exist if they plan on staying in a toxic situation.  I actually told my friend (who is going through this right now) to pray, be still, and listen!  But while she is doing all of those things I told her she needs a plan on how she is going to live the rest of her life. Was that good advice? I think so, was there more I could have said, sure! But in the end leaving/removing herself is a decision she has got to come to on her own!

I know leaving is never easy especially if their are children involved. Now some would say that the unhappy person is making a sacrifice for their children by staying and they should just suck it up -- I simply do not agree.  While they are miserable everything and everyone they touch feels that misery. How is that productive when trying to be a parent and raise kids?  How will their misery affect the child(ren), cause it surely will?

So back to my question -- why is it so hard to leave a toxic situation??  Is it comfort? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it hope ("Hope is the enemy")? Is it the sex? Is it love? Is it time spent? When I think back on the time(s) I have actually stayed in a toxic situation the reasons are unclear to me...crazy I know right!

So then the question becomes well what do you consider toxic? -- and to be honest this is really subjective. Toxic is a very strong word, I know but if someone or something is causing you not feel alive, always on edge, always fighting, not able to trust, not wanting to be in the same place as it, crying until all your tears are gone, to be sick, to be always in a state of anger or sadness, and a host of other things...well EYE consider that toxic.  If you can't find anything positive or good in your current situation why are you still in it?

What are some of the reasons YOU have remained in a situation you knew was toxic? Or, what are some of the things you did to remove yourself from that toxic situation?

I don't want to see your hanes unless...

They are coming off...

Seriously I hate seeing men walking around showing their underwear! Listen i don't want to see your ass, how does anyone find this attractive? Like I don't understand what 1. makes a man/young boy want to show his underpants and 2. a woman/young lady not run the other way when she sees this.

I am a firm believer that both men and women do shit because someone other than them thinks it is cute. I mean personally the shit makes the male look homeless. Is this supposed to be fashion? If so who made it that way?

I have always been taught the true meaning behind this "fashion statement" was born in prison and it was the way pillow biters would identify themselves. Snopes says that is false"sagging pants", but EYE know what my uncles and cousins the ones that have been in jail and done hard time have told me.  I will go with them on this one, sorry snopes.

Why is it so difficult for a young man/grown man dress like they have some sense?  What is wrong with jeans that fit, a shirt that fits, and hell if you are going to wear a belt -- allow it to do its purpose?

Now I don't expect men to walk around in a suit every day but what is wrong with being groomed and dressed nicely? I personally know a few young men who are trendy, fashionable, and simply look good in their clothing Tunde, Mike, Jeff (just to name a few).  So I know for a fact it can be that damn hard. FYI skinny jeans are not fashionable -- don't even go there, but that is another post! DEATH TO SKINNY JEANS FOR MEN AND WOMEN

A quick message to the ladies... stop allowing these fools to step to you looking a damn fool.  I really hope we as women can start realizing we deserve better and yes better includes a man wearing clothing that fits. If he doesn't care about his appearance being top notch trust and believe you should be concerned.

I personally don't have time for anyone over the age of 10 who can't keep their pants on their asses.  I mean seriously you are "GROWN" but you can't find either a belt that fits you or pants your size?  Oh, that is right knowing what your waist, inseam, and hip measurements are is a thing of the past... 

Guess Who's Back...

Hello people (not sure who reads this but hello anyway)....

It has been a long time since I made an entry and over the past few days I felt like I needed to revisit this.  A lot has gone on in my life since I started this blog, some good, some great, and some bad -- but I am still standing ( in the words on Monica) and I must say I am probably standing taller than I have ever been.

This will probably be a short entry as I just wanted to get in the routine of hitting this spot more frequently.

See ya soon...