Out having a good time.....

So I went out last night to celebrate my cousin's 34th born day. I must admit I was on the fence about going to the party. I knew there would be tons of people (mainly men) that I had not seen in a long time. See when I get into relationships I have a habit of closing of certain parts of my life ( I know it's not good) and I was not looking forward to it. Truth be told I have been having some body image issues since having Cyd. So since it was a party for my cousin and the start of the Sagittarius parting i reluctantly went. I wore some trouser jeans, black cores set, a white jacket, red pumps and a red clutch bag. I only took one pic; with my cousin K & D (the birthday boy) and he has the damn pic.

Now since I have this habit of disappearing when I get into relationships and I just had a baby 9 weeks ago I was dreading being seen at this party. So as I am walking into the club I hear this guy say is that Crystal? I thought to myself well damn my idea of finding a seat in the back at the bar was OUT . Let me tell you guys I had such a GREAT time.. I have not had that much fun in a very long time. It felt soo good to see old classmates, hang out with the girls (some of them) and be with my family. I must say there were some nice looking men in that party last night and to my surprise (well not really) there were several interested in who I was. It actually felt really good to be the point of discussion for so many. Let me know I still got it. It is truly funny how people react to you when they have not seen you in a while. Especially the dudes who you may have had a crush on but wouldn't give you the time of day (never really had that problem but there were a few :-)

Also it was really nice to be around a bunch of gentlemen! I swear the fellas from last night gave me hope that there are truly still some good guys out there. Of course there were those that basically all they wanted was to stare and potentially screw me. But for the most part UPTOWN men are still the elite men of DC...

I must say EU did the damn thing I have not partied like that in a very long time... There were no fights no foolishness NOTHING... I had a great time and am VERY happy I went.. I need to do that more often and oh yeah I did not get drunk. I had two drinks and stopped myself.. I know what a good girl right?

Sunday afternoon rant!

you know last night I made a hard decision and sent a text I really didn't want to send. I typed the message then put the phone down. I looked at the message again and then put the phone down. I picked up the phone reviewed the message deleted anything in the message that may have appeared negative, prayed and then sent the text. And to my surprise the person responded and it was not bad! You know I tend to read into this way too much but the message simply sad "What do you want". So I kinda responded with a smart ass comment " I want us both to let go of the anger and a "... For those of you that really know me and the person I was talking to, you know I probably pissed them off. Cause nothing came of that..

Oh well...

Let me tell you what lead to this text message. I was talking with a friend via im (shout out S) and we were talking about how I had so much shit I wanted to say to this individual. She suggested that I write it hear in the blog or write him a letter. She said once I got the feelings out make sure I left them there. So last night about 12:00 am I started writing him a letter and people when I tell you it was brutal it was brutal.. The reason I decided on the letter instead of blogging about it is because all that I needed to say was way too personal and mean. I know y'all in my business but I am not ready for all that yet... LMAO!

So today I am so GOOD.. I have not felt this ok and clear in a really long time... It is really like whatever happens now is just that whatever happens... The bitterness is slowly creeping away, I am regaining new perspective on myself and my life. My heart is still hard and closed and I expect it will be for a long time. I am dealing coping with trust issues, I think everyone has motives and can not be trusted with my emotions. But that topic is for another entry another day..

I say all of this to say... Things are looking good, I am finally starting to feel good and I once again see the light at the end of the tunnel...