Cydney Bailey.....

Please help me in welcoming Cydney Bailey to the world... She was born September 18, 2007 @ 1:33 PM EST... My baby weighed in at 7lbs .08oz, 19 3/4 inches long.... She looks like her sono pic -------> see....

Let me just say NOTHING prepares you for the love you feel when you first look into your child's eyes. I am a first time mom and to be honest those who know me know that I have issues with love.... But thanks to this child I truly understand what love is and what it means to love unconditionally...

She can not speak, she can barely see. But when I look at her I know she loves me. I know she knows that I love her and that my life will forever be blessed because of her. Bearing a child is the most precious gift GOD gave to women. To be apart of such a thing. I mean with my help God and I created life. That is amazing... How blessed am I to have been chosen for this...

I am so nervous about the future, I mean who knows how to be a parent?? It's all about trial and error right? But I am also so happy about the future. I can not wait to hear her first words, see her take her first steps, watch her get big and develop her personality. I mean she is only 9 days old and she has changed so much...

Cydney mommy loves you with all she has. You mean the world to me and I am soo blessed to have given birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. I plan to love you unconditionally... Mommy is going to make mistakes and when you get older we may not see eye to eye. But know that mommies love is something you will ALWAYS have....

Kayne... SHUT UP!!!!

I mean really you are a millionaire and you sound like a 5 year old... Get over yourself and understand this is the business you signed up for... No one really cares if you don't have any love for MTV

Another Perfect Song

This song is such a great song... Why is it so hard to stop loving someone? Even when you know they are no good for you. You keep telling yourself, you keep praying and there is nothing you do that helps...

What keeps you with someone? I think this song is a true reflection how what someone goes through when they are deciding to STAY TOGETHER.... This song speaks volumes to me, it touches me...

They only do what you allow them to...

Of course I am speaking of men...

It took some time and some failed relationships for me to realize just that. You know during the course of these relationships I would cry, complain, cry some more and ask the question why. I had to realize that these problems, those men did everything I told them (in some way) was ok... What do I mean by that I mean in some way I accepted all the bullshit they dished out.

I am not sure if its because I have a daughter on the way now, or because I am truly fed up with being disappointed but I have got to make some changes. Of course I am not insinuating that it was my fault he cheated, lied and cheated some more. But what was my fault is that I did not demand what I would accept and what I would not. You know what I am talking about he does something here and there and you never really say anything. Either cause its new, or you think it will change, or you don't want to come off as a nag...

Well the lesson I learned was nag or not if it doesn't sit right with me I must speak up. Cause as long as you don't say anything they will think its ok. Oh yeah and you can't just talk about it you have to mean it. Make sure your actions back up your words.

And fellas I am NOT dissing you... NOT one bit, if I could get away with shit I would. It is our fault as women we have to demand better. People are probably like what the hell does she know, she said she has been in failed relationships. And you are right I have been in 3 failed (serious) relationships. And it was not until this last one that I did some reflection and realized I made the same mistakes in them all. I did not demand better, I made it easy for these men to hurt me.

So my frustration is not really with men its with myself women as a whole ( I know not all of us do this). I truly think that men try shit because there was some other female who accepted that shit and now he is giving it to me... I challenge us all to DEMAND better of these men, let them know that you have to come better or not at all. I know there is always someone who he can get whatever he wants from but let them be the minority and not the majority.

My first blog entry....

Well this is my very first blog entry and I have no idea what to say... LOL

Today has been a real reflective type of day for me. With my child about to make its debut in 3 weeks I have just been sitting around thinking... I have friends who do this all the time and have been telling me for sometime now that I should do the same... Now that I have all this time on my hand just waiting for my baby to arrive... I say why not...

I am not sure who will read this, how it will get into their hands but this is me people... You will either love or hate me. I am not asking anyone to agree with me, this is just a place for me to vent... There will be a time when nothing I write makes any sense to anyone but me and I am ok with that. I am not looking for critics on my life...

Maybe my thoughts, experiences, issues whatever they are will speak to someone... Maybe someone will read what I have something valuable for me or someone reading... I just ask that you do not come here to judge