2007

There is so much that can be said about 2007

My greatest life accomplishment to date Miss Cydney. One of the biggest things I have learned this year is “Everything happens for a reason”. I know it sounds really cliché but its real people. I am a person who questions everything…everything. I need to know there is a purpose and I need to know what that purpose is. I guess I can chalk that up to little faith, but moving blindly doesn’t work for me. However, as of today I am trying truly trying to live by faith. You know my best friend my big brother (love you Ian) basically called me to the carpet the other night. He made me realize that I can be a very negative person. He is one of…nope let me take that back he is the ONLY person that knows ALL there is to know about me. I know he knows stuff he wises he did not.

I also learned that I am much stronger than I thought. I had one of the worst break-ups ever, and honestly people I thought it was going to break me, shit I was on the edge of broken. People who I would have never expected to reach out to me did. I found support in the oddest places. I must say I am surrounded by some of the most intelligent women on this earth. You ladies are blessings and I love each of you. I only hope I can and have contributed to your life the way you have mine.

I must say that all my trouble and pain has come from relationships. I know with love comes pain but damnit. I am tired of this type of pain I want the pleasure to out weigh the pain. I give so much of myself that I am damn near cripple when things go bad. Partly because it takes me a while to let go when I know damn well I should have long before. One thing 2007 bought me was a better understanding of this, shit a better understanding of me. I guess now in 2008 I have to work on changing my life, and by that I mean practicing the things I have learned. I now have to live by the slogan when you know better you do better. And damnit I definitely know better.

I could go on and on about 2007 but I won’t there has just been something’s on my mind lately and I need a place to release the thoughts. I know it may seem like I talk about relationships a lot and you know what I do. I now know that I place so much emphasis on that aspect of my life that it kind of dictates all the other aspects. I mean I truly believe as women we are supposed to be married and have a family first and foremost. For the longest time I was sadden by the fact that maybe I would never have children but we all know that is not true. I think that ALL women who can bare a child should. As much yak as I talk about marriage I truly do want to be married. I want to be loved and give love. I know the day I don’t focus so much on what I don’t have I will get what I need (that may not make sense to you but it does to me). I often dream about my life how I would like for it to go. I know now it is not up to me it is up to God and his plan for my life not my plan.

I think this year I will be able to focus on Cydney, becoming a better mother, a better woman, a better friend, a better daughter just an all around better human. I will try to focus less on being negative and just enjoying what I do have. I will be sure to continue to surround myself with positive people and weed out all the negative ones. I will embrace all of me and stop trying to avoid what I don’t like, but deal with it. I will try to talk more about what issues truly bother me instead of just sweeping them under the rug. I can finally, finally let go of the ex and all the issues we had.

I welcome 2008 with open arms cause I am sure I will be better. I am coming in the door kicking and screaming with all the tools I need to live happy and productive.